At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
