I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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