I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
