Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
