they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
