In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
