Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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