When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
