Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
