Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
