peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
