they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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