Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
