meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
