You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
