um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
