quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
