4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
