I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
