At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
