i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
