You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
