This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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