That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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