i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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