he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
