bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
