i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We left an ass print on the piano.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
