So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
