I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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