she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
