We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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