I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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