They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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