One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
