i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
