she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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