I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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