Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
