if you like me you must not know who I am
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
