I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
