remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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