i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
