don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
