just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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