mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
