don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
