it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
