ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I understand Curling. That high.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
