dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
