I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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