Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
