Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
