Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
