I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
