He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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