Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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