from now on my penis is your penis
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
